we also care for a child diagnosed with autism who have achieved some of the remarkable things for a 14 year old. You are not the autistic person mothers grieve for anyway What an horrendous person you are, I bet youre an abusive parent. Just as your parents supported you. Parenting an autistic child gets easier as they get older. I promise you, they did their share of complaining as ALL parents do, even those with easy typically developing children, because I have one of those too and YES, I have complained about her too. You know how those of us labeled high functioning are just the stereotypical geniuses therefore nothing could ever go wrong with us??? Autistic people are not capable of empathy. Please, for your childrens sake, put them up for adoption where they would at least have some chance of being adopted and raised by parents who love and care for them. This is the first step to know whether what youre about to share is over the line. Being explicit, and offering a better solution, clearly communicates that the behavior is ineffective. I don't want my child to have autism anymore. Not to mention that you could EXPOSE YOUR CHILDREN TO BULLIES AND/OR PAEDOPHILES. You commenters are nasty, horrid people if you think its all right to vent publiclyabout your disabled children. Do you need to paint autism as rainbows and sunshine? No matter what, our kids deserve dignity and respect, even in our worst moments. This thread is archived Ive been to restaurants and Ive seen autistic kids but they never acted out autistically and if they did the world is forgiving. Helping Children With Autism Handle Their Emotions. Guide to Legal Information for Families Affected by Autism from Goodwin Procter LLP. You may need to repeat yourself or write things down. Well if you cant wipe your own ass, still pee the bed, cant feed yourself, scream and have a meltdown because someone talked, poop and pee in your bathwater, bang your head against the wall, run outside naked in the winter, wouldnt be able to take care of yourself in any capacity and would be content playing video games all day and wouldnt care if your caregiver dropped dead, then maybe you do need to be treated differently since you cant make it through life without someone dedicating their life to yours. You have no idea what it is to live it. Talk about kicking people when they are down. Vent in a closed, private Facebook group of other parents who understand. Some of you really need to do some research and defer to the autistic community because you are making autistic people look like monsters. My son is profoundly autistic and has been through unimaginable struggles. WHERE does such heartless criticism come from?? Hang in there. Again, this is the sort of thing that shouldnt happen with ANY child. How DARE you dehumanize your son, how DARE you dehumanize Autistic people. We all have concerns and with our autistic children, there are so many more concerns. Please Stop Complaining About Your Autistic Children, this post about the harm in functioning labels, no one knows your autistic childs future, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group, We Need to Chat About Being an Autism Mom. It breaks my heart my son will never take an SOL, SAT, or go to college due to his autismit is a REAL DISABILITY. While I agree that someone publicly shaming their disabled (or even typical) child is a disgraceful thing, what you are describing sounds more like the mom had a mental breakdown. Take yourself out for a Starbucks coffee to clear your head. I am full of fatigue, no energy, and have lost all joy in my life. What about the fathers? There are tons of autistic groups where non-autistic parents are not allowed and the the kids will finally feel accepted. The two should never be mixed. Bottom line, there are plenty of ways for you to talk through your big fears and feelings when youre frustrated with autism or your autistic child. So I believe in open and honest communication and inclusion vs segregation. Cant wait to see your list ten years from now, when reality has set in. Privacy is one thing, the topic of privacy compiled with suggestions of martyr syndrome and vitriol is a lil nuts. It is exhausting living with a full grown man with the IQ of a toddler. Theyre horrible. When deseperate and frustrated we need to vent but theres no point posting online. Its articles like this and people like you thst make it impossible to find anyone or anything genuine about real autism struggles. They say they love their kids but its conditional. You only know the world of high functioning ASD/Aspergers. THAT is NOT up for debate. Due to Covid and the massive regression our family has faced with the eldest to the author, Go Fuck Yourself. Yes, any parent would complain about any child and we do! You have much to learn. I guess you conveniently forgot to leave that part out, because it doesnt fit your narrative. I know what Ive talking about with the mortality rate. Can you imagine reading this out loud to your child? For example, consider making homemade pizza with your child. Guess you dont have diapers you have to change on your own? And how can I fulfill them while respecting my child and their needs? Please apologize to this mama (and all the other ones out there) for telling her not to speak her voice. The truth is this isnt always possible. This is a child almost my height who still can't put on his own clothes, brush his own teeth or dry himself after a bath. It is different. So far my prayers have been answered by the devil. Facing my fear: to save my autistic son's future, I had to let him go Elayne Robertson Demby It's always hard for parents when their children leave home. So many people are so ashamed to show their children behaving so badly. Is this a possibility for you? The police department knows your kid. I took my child to Disney land and all the other children were running around, while all my child did was slump in his chair and make a whining sound in front of Mickey Mouse! Its offensive, right. Perhaps you need them to transport your person with autism to a medical facility for an evaluation or to a crisis intervention program (if your community is so . Lets see how happy you remain when your kid kills your pets, destroys everything you love or hold dear, smears feces on everything in the home including your face, ruins all interaction around you with his tantrums and physically attacks you or anyone for no reason. Heres one for YOU, please stop Blogging YOUR Bullshit. I have an autistic daughter who has stopped eating and drinking. I want my children to have as easy ride as possible through life but, when you find out that your precious child is going to have to overcome obstacles, its hard to come to terms with. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. Even if I tired too there is not enough time to plan lesson for every child like that, and some days after having a child have a melt down and everything else you had to do after teaching all day without a break you dont have the mental enegery left to spend hour to spend thinking of how Jonny would do better if I could link this concept to his interests in sea life. Whilst I agree we should consider who to and where we share our information and always keep in mind that what we say or do can be seen by our children and how that could potentially make them feel. So given that min 25% of typical kids have other speical needs. I can promise you that feeling that off you or anyone else-he is soaking it up and not being able to regulate his emotions it comes out in pretty horrible ways. I will trust that you are right that your son will never read or see the offensive videos and articles the author is condemning. I know what Blog you are speaking about and I have to be honest, her blog brought me great comfort knowing I wasnt alone as a parent. That is wrong. have you ever met autistic children at the level 3 end of the spectrum? And thats what youve got to understand. Im a teacher and mother of a severe ASD child and even as a teacher, I had NEVER seen the severe side until my son, now 5, regressed. I cry, because this is not what I wanted. I love my kids. Divorces due to the stress breaking down every relationship you have. (Inside:Dear Autism Moms Please stop complaining about your autistic children Its harmful to your children and the entire autistic community. Toys such as Legos can be good choices for an autistic child. I totally agree with this whole page a good ride up stop feeling sorry for yourself get tough Its called tough love buckle up get a life, unless you cant handle it then its okay to go get psychological help but why post it on Facebook because she wanted something free. Hate. We have to force water down just so that she doesnt get dehydrated and end up in the hospital. So many parents of autistic children have liked, commented on, and shared it. You want to complain so fucking badly about your kid smearing fecal matter to the world? Theres venting which needs to be done in an appropriate place, whether the child is neurotypical, autistic, or has ADHD. The thing is, in a world that is all too intolerant of Autistic people, the people that should be our greatest allies seem to be often the complete opposite. As an autistic person and a parent to an autistic child, Im begging you. So if you are a parent with an autistic child, and you want to complain . I know living with an autistic child is hard sometimes- if its hard all the time- to the extremes it is with you and your family its past time for help. I had to quit working because there was no one willing to take care of him once he got older. If youre making excuse for an Autism Parent that clearly hates their child, then youre a crap excuse for a human being. Not every parent can handle it. The problem is more system wide (she did say school, not teacher, but its likely the problem is broader than that to encompass the whole of state services). So for your first rule of thumb, dont post anything publicly about your autistic child that you wouldnt post about your neurotypical child. And its shorter for Autistic with intellectual disabilities. our children already have enough to deal with day and night. Im not a burden, i am a valuable part of my family. She is NOT abusive. Hey! No respite or help. I can't handle my Autistic 4 year old anymore I feel like a horrible mother . My ex was totally out of the picture even when we were married cuz its easier for him that way. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Its just that you have got to change the way you think or view things. Try not to feel hurt when it happens; your child likely isnt trying to cause you distress at all they just are blind to the consequence of their action. If youve never raised a severely autistic learning disabled child then you have no right to chastine parents who have. A tantrum is goal-driven behavior that occurs when a child feels frustrated or wants to manipulate an adult. Please listen to what this amazing lady has to say and show more respect. He has punched holes in the walls of every room in the house. This article is good that woman that posted that video deserves to be called out for her mistakes. And she cries because if she dies before he does she doesnt believe anyone will go to her childs funeral. I dont complain on social media because Im off all social media. You get date nights?! Off to start a new family? In general, its best to avoid making your child feel too awkward. Changing a 5, 10, 15, 20 year olds diapers because they dont have the ability to be potty trained. Work with your child to find alternative ways to stim. But Facebook has also a good feature: PRIVATE groups of every kind. Although there are some common sense advices in this article, this author clearly doesnt have a child with severe autism. Some school programs offer various degrees of mainstreaming, in which autistic children spend time in regular classrooms. Okay, but where else can these people vent? Im sorry, maybe your autistic kid is manageable. I understand that parenting an autistic child (like any child) can be frustrating, exhausting, overwhelming, and downright scary at times. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inspectrum/201509/please-stop-whitewashing-autism. If you agree with this and you want a safe space online where you can learn and grow as an autism advocate, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group! Nasty woman. Were all different. She cries that even though her son is happy and safe, he isnt the child she thought shed have. I see both sides of this. When you are crying and saying stuff like that it means you feel defeated and at a loss and wish things were easier rather than accepting that your childs differences make them unique. I do not sugar coat my life and i dont pretended this is a fairy tale. Its hard. Besides its not like you even want, like/love, or care about your child. That is not what autism really is. Maybe that lady crying in her car about how hard her life is bc of autism had to the same thing everyday for the last week. And several of their parents complained about them not getting enough individual help/support. Hates her child? Its not wrong for an autistic child but okay for a neurotypical child. I do not speak for all mothers or autistic individuals, but only for myself. Compiled with ableist threats of suicide and counter congruent co-shaming its basically gaslighting. No local services. She gets no sympathy from me. His sister? then go ahead. I had a blog where I used to write this same kind of thing, all sunshine and farts about raising my autistic brood. You dont even know what youre talking about. When pushed to do something they don't want to do, your child may throw a fit. YES! With any of those suggestions, please make sure your child is out of earshotand that youre talking to someone safe. My son just turned three in January, he has SPD, possible ADHD, and is being re-evaluated for ASD. I have not had a minute to myself for a very long time. Well, happy judging autism super mom. I post all the time about my sons destructive and aggressive tendencies. Hun. Most of the comments here mention things that arent even autism-related. I find it interesting that the first thing this article does is shame a mom for her blog. No such thing. Critizing disgraceful, toxic content is not censorship. They can still communicate, you just arent listening. far more than a typical child. Beautifully written! No one elses. May I ask.do you parent a child with special needs? I fully believe that is the biggest missing piece of autism awareness. It looks nice, but its not. People dont seem to understand either that we may not see things in the same way, we may live in very different ways, we may not speak with our mouth parts.but we do know. Id give anything, painful as it would be, for him to be able to read even this BS and respond himself as to how messed up it is. When you say that you dont think your child will have any friends ever, youre telling the world that autism makes someone un-loveable. So your child isnt going to be a football star or a cheerleader. Sorry, if your child has an intellectual disability, thats NOT autism. Consistency helps autistic children make sense of the world and feel secure. Now, as promised, there are ways to vent without causing harm to your child and other autistic people. I am being totally sincere not at all sarcastic. Children at the ages of 15 20 25 still in strollers because they cant handle walking in a store or anywhere or they meltdown or elope. I am an autistic adult (of the drive a car, have a job ilk ;). If you loved this post, you might also enjoy. My heart aches for him. People with autism have a number of legal rights and protections. She is just skin and bones now. And doing it openly and publicly on the Internet is neither. Thats how we treat him, thats how we talk about him, and thats how we expect the world to treat him as well. Autism is one of the pervasive developmental disorders, with symptoms that usually appear before three years of age. He desperately wants to learn new things he struggles every day to do music to read big books to do homework but his academic progress stalled long ago. Ran across this post really desperate and I see both sides. It is okay to casually let your child know that a stim looks odd. And I research how I can make it better and i take him to therapy and we try this and that But what I really need some times is to see someone else who struggles too. Thats private information, and no parent to a NT child would ever do that. Is that what you want? References. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. It sounds like she had a hopeful day planned out for her kid, felt that he was ready, and couldnt wait to see his happiness, then when it went downhill it really sunk in how bad his disability is and she felt that she had failed him. Thank you for such a thoughtful resource and such great ideas. Clearly you have bought into the sunshine and rainbows bullshit, but those of us out here who keep it real understand that this diagnosis is as good as a death sentence when it comes to your hopes for having a decent life and family dynamic. My parents are far from perfection, but if they made something like this to me I would publicly shame them back and/or kill myself. AND YES HER CHILDS AUTISM DOES MAKE HER LIFE HARD. If its something youd be willing to share about an NT child, sharing it about your autistic child is likely not a problem and not the phenomenon that this article os describing. All yall do is talk over them and dont listen to their struggles. I accept my son fully for his differences, but sharing our stories gives others a glimpse into our life, and can encourage policy makers to fund programs for the disabled. If we dont allow the parents to speak their needs, how will society at large know the damage its inflicting on people who are already under stress from adapting to an entirely new way of life? If you love your children you will change how you see and treat autistic people. "All tips given will greatly help parents to handle autistic children efficiently. Knowing your child will need 24/7 care the rest of their life, and knowing you will die first, and who then will love them as much and take as good of care as the deserve. Would you assume that no one besides you would ever care about your child? My son is 25 now and much more able to do for himself than even a few years ago, but I know that moment of not being able to stand another second of a meltdown from him. 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