And its so confusing because we do get along on every other front like we laugh and have so much fun when we hangout and talk a couple times everyday, but I tell him I like small silly gifts every now and then, and just anything thats like hey this made me think of you but he still doesnt seem to get it. He brought me back the same time as last time. He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. I clean, cook, bring him sandwiches to his work, take care of the dog while he does nothing. I question why after knowing what he knows, he wont even try to talk to me. Its not too much to ask- its very basic. This yr even I got nothing from his side. Were both in high school now. He doesnt call me much. He doesnt reply to you, so he doesnt deserve to know youre going to find someone else. I have brough up some of the issues and he acts clueless and doesnt know what to do. Somehow I always felt that he did it because of something I did. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. We havent been intimate in almost 2 years and when I asked him he says hes not turned on ? okay so how i try to avoid causing a scene over tht is i would comeover to his place, thts the only place he would be fine because if i ask him to meet me at my area or anywhr else he wouldnt want to. Everything is done ON PURPOSE to stick a fork in his eye like youre not that important, sorry. Im 47, and he is 57 now, and we have been together for 10 years now and have lived together for 8 years. Im fed up of being sad all the time and just want to be happy and feel loved again. We have a beautiful home and are dog and cat owners. He makes money but spends his money on the wrong thing. He Is Going Through Something No girl its perfectly normal to miss how things where in the beginning! If he couldnt step up on this milestone birthday and anniversary, theres no way he never would. We met online and in a long distance relationship and we have not met in person. So i get back from fall break and i zoom him.hes acting different and grumpy and meanhe told me he was moving back to his home state and never coming backI started balling my eyes out I was so confused. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. The worst thing you can do is become a desperate, emotionally suffocating girlfriend who is scared to lose her boyfriend. Im confused by this guy I had been seeing before coronavirus lockdown. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. I COOK,CLEAN , KIDSAND I WORK. But i couldnt regain my trust for him again. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. please give me an advice. NO CLEANING. I dont know if I am being unreasonable. I have huge expectations but Ive accepted that hes not the guy that throw big surprises and continue to fear that the more I lower my expectations, the more he thinks im willing to settle for less even after his military is over. And the only way we can get closer is by communicating as much as we can. Maybe he will change one day, but you shouldnt suffer while he figures it out. Any time i initiate sex, he either stiffens up, doenst move or lets out an exasperated sigh. I reslect to my culture. I hold my tension in about the pot than lash out on him cuz I know he wont change and stop smoking, but I also dont want to be with someone that doesnt make me feel special or loved. This is one of the biggest reasons a guy will notice when you stop texting him. sometimes comes to my place to have sex. Im just a girl whos watched a fair amount of psychology videos, but I hope that this advice helps you!! Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. We talked about it seriously the 2nd year. Let him come to you. Help me please I have no idea what to do. I thought hed at least try to make a plan. ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. This is NOT the man I fell in love with that I move in with 5.5 years ago. He has no end of time for himself. He broke up with her partner before we had sex they already messed up before me. He says he loves me and cares for me but I never hear him talking of the future or wanting me to be his wife. Try not to get upset, irritated, or emotional. Please give me some advice pleaaaase. No romantic dates (I know a walk in a park can be romantic but not when thats all you ever do together), no random little surprises from his side, no dinners etc. The man is now in jail. but thats what made me fall in love with him and now that i feel like the efforts arent made or not even made but not wanted, not driven, not desired as he felt before. A couple passing times of the day, well meet just for a couple minutes. He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. While you should always feel free to express yourself and say whats on your mind, take a good look at the way you're communicating. He has some property on the other side of town, he asked me to move in with him to establish a foundation. "It was hard taking the constant rejection." You need to allow yourself to do something else. I love him very much, he often talks about our future, kids and stuff but he isnt willing to do any sacrifices for the relationship. He used o do his laundry, make his bed, clean the kitchen, cook himself and I dinner when I was at HIS place a lot or even when i moved in with him! He forgave me and I eventually moved back. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. I decided to go back to my place, after wards he decided to send me a text saying we should take a break just like that. I cannot communicate with him. I feel like i am constantly having to fight for us to have a better relationship. And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. It just seems like a cliche movie begining or something. His excuse was that he had no time because of work. What would you do? For our year and a half anniversary I didnt have money at the time and we were fighting a lot but I made him a good luck bracelet and wrote him a very personal card. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. Wow girl as Im reading this I cant believe I didnt write it lol. Thanks for letting me vent gals. After his birthday he left his sisters and moved in with his mom. 7 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated, 7 Ways to Convince Your Ex to Give You a Second Chance, When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else, When Your Ex Starts a New Relationship: 3 Ways Through the Pain, 7 Signs You Arent Ready for a Relationship, Emotionally Detaching From Someone You Love. Perhaps he wasnt taught how to love a woman, and he hasnt taken time to learn what goes into a happy, healthy relationship. He never brought it up again so I decided time to move on, clearly he is not interested. And youll likely receive the same treatment. Listen to your intuition, it never lies. WebI was recently "set up" by a friend by him giving my number to a friend he thought would be a good match for me. He knew everything about my family and their pictures but not for me. Should I stay? We never do anything spontaneous or fun, and Im the type of person who loves that stuff. How cold he was to me made me feel like I was unworthy of love, like I was undeserving of his attention. So I stopped doing that and now treat him like just a friend. For now, this venting helped me a bit. The first few months of the relationship that was a constant and we were dying to see eachother every other weekend. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. It seems ridiculous, but overachievers will develop workaholic habits and then feel guilty for doing something that they enjoy that isnt more work. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. Today, when he suggested that i pass by him, I was pissed off and i let me know that I this made me feel bad and confused. I suffer from depression and when we argue it can put me In to a bad spell of lying in my bed crying for days and he just ignores me. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. He wont make an effort to see me. If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Hasnt bought me nothing but flowers once and concert tickets which was canceled cuz of covid. He used to call me at night before he sleeps,now he doesnt anymore,he takes days to reply my whatsapp messages. We just never did anything like that alone. Ask your boyfriend open-ended questions about how he thinks your relationship is going, and if theres anything you both can do to bring you closer together. When we first started dating I personally felt like he put so much effort into me and the relationship. ive already told him my feelings about this often. Ive had absolutely enough. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. Thats not enough for any relationship! Me and him didnt talk much because my mom found out more about my bf and i also couldnt sneak ipads anymore. He also gave me his hat. I signed up for therapy and told him that if my behavior was hurting him, that I was willing to change. He went out and bought 48 roses he surprised me with though out the day for Valentines day and took me out for a really nice dinner- he even planned having sexy time (which got postponed finishing). In the second year of the relationship we were going out a lot to bars and clubs, and he began to drink a lot, and would become very aggressive with me, and started to treat me bad. Till then, you should be determined not to commit to anything or anyone. WebiStock. Let an iota of plea reflect. He also always texts me daily, and he is generally the one to text first, and always responds to my texts immediately. I randomly always try to put efforts in the relationship but get nothing in return. it took me years before I finally moved on. When I asked him about it the other day, he just said hes not the type of person, but he clearly us because he has done these things before. Everything is fried up. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. Honestly he may need some space. I love him and i plan on marrying him but i dont know how to fix the lack of effort without fighting like we always do when i ask him to put in more effort. Im at a loss. Whats the point of working hard if you wont let yourself play hard? The last few years have been tough. I just want to stop his really hurtful and insensitive way of fighting. He doesnt come over, we dont go on dates. 88 years of expert advice and inspiration, for every couple. I begun to be desperated just to win him back but hes tough enough to avoid me and forget everything we had. He used to be affectionate and communicates a lot. I too feel like Im not asking too much- but even if Im clear in communicating what I want and need, my boyfriend rarely makes the effort. I miss him terribly. I then left home and came back a later day. I finally had to let him go. He has always been so sweet and consistent. Thats the one thing that i really expect. He pays alawys though i offer to pay but he refuses. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We need to be very careful with whom we share our hearts with. We havent been fighting everyday. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. Hes the opposite. I met his mom for the first time when his parents stopped by, we took his dog paddle boarding. so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. You have to be willing to become selfless. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. Hes really bad at texting and sometimes we dont really talk on the phone cause he said he was tired. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. So my boyfriend and I will have been together for a year this november. What do I talk about with my girlfriend? The first 4-5 months were amazing, a classic honeymoon phase for sure. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. You believe your boyfriend loves you, but he stopped showing his love in tangible ways. He has recently been stressed about getting into grad school and got denied for his first two school. I could have written that. Does your boyfriend still care? Should I just never expect to be treated the way he used to treat me? its been 10 days now and he havent ask me out, during these 10 days when he says i miss you or i say i miss, he would ask me to meet at his place for couple of hours (again at the spare of the moment). I literally had to make the dinner reservation for us. Thats it. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do? My ex-best friend snitched to my mom and told her everything about my bf and got some info from close friends about me meeting him secretly so my mom gradually started finding stuff out. But he feels that I would have a better chance getting a job were he lives then him getting a Job where I live but thats not the point. Our plan for celebrating our anniversary like its nothing? Thats it.. theres nothing more than that. Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. Today he also told me that he was not ready to spend so much time on a relationship. Landis Bejar is a New York State Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of AisleTalk: Consultation & Therapy. Hi Ella. We are now in quarantine and I have mostly been the one to come see him. Ive bin going through a similar situation with a guy. I have since ended the relationship as I feel it is a one way system with him taking and not giving. You cant let him be the center of your life! I dont know if hes dealing with somethings, but Ive decided to give him space & focus on me. SHE STILL HAD HER HARNOUS ON HER. Honestly,I am fully aware I do not want a relationship with someone who acts like this and makes me feel this way, but I am in love with him and our relationship is great, when he gives 100% which I can not let go of, when right now its about 10%. He was fine with it so we just started to say it to each other. I dont want a father figure, i want a man that i love to show love to me. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. I was told by my therapist that I could be the one to plan the date myself and ask him out and even though I completely agree with her on that, I cant help feel now that if I were to do that and ask him on a date that he will think that he doesnt ever have to put in the effort of planning something, anything, and that if he waits long enough I will plan it for us so he doesnt have to. it is like his way of saying he just wants to do whatever he wants now and I if I dont like it, tough crap. Don't assume he's pulling away because of something you did. I dont think that birthday present is coming, but if it ever does, it will probably be your last. Even sent follow up warnings and he still didnt do anything this Valentines Day. He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. He rarely responds to texts throughout the day and he never texts me first. He got a job and now works from right after school until 8:30, six days a week. Perhaps he thinks guys dont need to make an effort in relationships, and girlfriends should do all the work. When i say effort drops off, he takes hours to reply to me despite being very active on social media and those replies are one word conversation enders, isnt bothered about spending time with me, tells me he is busy with his family, but I will find out hes actually with his friends, I plan days out in advance but he makes me aware he wont be able to attend because of workbut then when the time comes round to it, he is free but is going out with his friends in advance. Im so confused by the things he thinks, says and does. Hes lacking in performance and I feel unwanted, again I been communicating and his reason is thats why him and his ex got tired of each other & he doesnt need sex everyday. That didnt rlly happen he didnt last a day without me. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. I realize ,Im no cup of tea at times either but I never lied, cheated or left him in the dark .I feel incredibly cheated by the amount of time I spent culturing and cultivating a better life for him so that he may go impress someone else because of what I had endured dealing with his crumbs of affection why is it with men its all up your ass or nothing at all where is the balanced gentleman I so crave ? Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. I am in q very similar situation. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. A lovely text of him telling me that we can talk everyday when I wake up in the morning. Me and my boyfriend have been together for more than a year now and I feel like lately he doesnt make any effort to spend time with me. Once in a while, I managed to do something to please him. He would always build my hopes up before we call and end up forgetting or when he calls, hes either that hes going to bed or do so while playing his games throughout the call and not pay attention even when i have something to share which hurt my feelings. For the past few months I noticed he stopped making effort. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. He has not made me do any of this. Do you feel loved? But I feel as though he does not see the page that I am on, is there any way I can do that without it being an argument? Its hard for me to let go and try when he is not trying enough and only notices the negative things. He blames his lack of functioning on his religious faith. I need suggestions on how to deal with this. This quarantine also suddenly ruined my relationship. He will come around in my opinion. I realised hes never going to change, no matter how many times Ive brought it up. I couldnt take the iPad with me if i snuck out but i did tell him to meet me at my gate at midnight. Does not show any effort at all, but claims to love me so much. Lastly, he is obsessed with social media. No texting. Lately, it feels like we fight all the time. Thats was our first time seeing each other in person (granted, Id seen him randomly beforehand in elementary school years before that). That is an abusive, toxic relationship and you deserve so much better! Some of your traits are similar to mine and some are similar to someone that I was dating at the time. I have tried so many times to let the relationship go and have broken up with him, but he does not want to let me go. He said he had not thought about it and was not feeling well that day, so would think about it when he felt better and let me know in a few days. Any thoughts ppl? I ask him what was his intention of saying it and give him the space to nagivate the answer by himself. Stop yourself from bombarding him with messages. I know how hard it is to let go, but I think you have to. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. But he tells me that he wants to get married even im being a total b*tch. Hi! Like hes not gonna change. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. Im so tired picking up after someone that cant even lift a finger to help me clean the mess he made. My boyfriend had a terrible marriage and an even worse divorce. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker Lauren Korshak, one major reason could be that they are suffering from a crisis. He really hurt me in the past (when we werent together) regarding other girls but hes never actually done anything when weve been going out. WebYes bare minimum but extra behaviors from a coworker. I miss him and who he use to be,at the same time am preparing myself for the worst! Stopped fantasies and games and generally sexual desire towards me about 2-3 years ago now, losing track. I really love this article. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. Its so hard due to his work ,he still trying his best to see me at least thats what he told me. We have amazing communication, we text all day everyday, see each other at least 1-2 days a week, we dont argue much, our sex life is greatMaybe its just because this is my only problem that it feels like a big deal? In fact, he rejects them flat out. dont waste your time on a man that is using you. So many thoughts, so many scenarios. If youre not walking out the door, you are telling him that his behavior is acceptable. I just want the real him back! Then, youll have the wisdom and guidance you need. Yes leave him. Just torn and dont know what to do. My boyfriend is 22 years my senior and weve been dating over 8 months. He gets very quiet and is hard to talk to. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. Three weeks in he moved in with me and then the coronavirus pandemic hit and our romance took a nosedive. Its been bugging me for a while but I finally decided to do something about the fact that he doesnt really seem to make an effort to see me. If they are willing- great! He tells me he is going to bed and we will talk about tomorrow. Maybe he always expects you to be waiting for him, ready to do whatever he wants. Weve had a roller coaster of a relationship. It has created a balance to where I dont feel exhausted with trying to keep things going. Ask yourself what could be causing your boyfriend to pull away from you. We had romantic dates and fell in love at first sight. He was all amazing.. first few months showered me with flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see his true colours. I know that feeling. He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. He has made me grow in ways Ive never imagined. Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. A total b * tch least tells me he loves me on hardly! Even sent follow up warnings and he acts clueless and doesnt know what to do whatever he wants get! Up of being sad all the time texts me daily, and always to. Dont know if hes dealing with somethings, but Ive decided to give him space & focus on me being... We were dying to see his true colours that cant even lift a finger to me! Feelings about this often you need to allow yourself to do something to.! Think that birthday present is coming, but I did psychology videos, he! 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Now treat him like just a girl whos watched a fair amount psychology...

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